What a Year

Well, it’s been five months since I even logged in last. Five months and three pounds heavier, and a lot squishier. The summer got crazy. In the midst of an Epic August, I had a week of school. (Although I did workout throughout that week, and it was glorious) But at the end of July, my grandma died. That brought on a wave of emotions – and still does. In September, Hubby got sick, then I got sick – and then the month was over. Oh, and October! A friend asked us to fill in for a janitorial job at a tire shop six nights a week whilst he had triple bypass surgery. I went to the gym 4 times that whole month and ate garbage almost nightly. And this month – well, I’ve beat October’s gym numbers. I’ve been five times so far this month. Yay me! Plans are to go today after my one out-client.

Each workout feels like starting all over again. Last week I did half of my kettle bell workout and was sore for days. Sad little muscles give up so quickly when you don’t keep motivating them. I feel generally lumpy all over since my lazy stint began. Weak and wobbly. But, we have planned a backpacking trip for this spring – more motivation to not be a complete blob by the end of winter. Right now my goal is to drop those three pounds I gained and lose two more – yup, just a little 5 lb loss – but that will be overcoming a huge hurtle! I never dipped down to that when I was working out.

How shall I accomplish this? Goal one: Eat right! Even when I was working out four days a week, I still didn’t have the eating down. That’s my goal for the next three days (starting yesterday). “They” say that the hardest points are day three, week three, and month three. If I can make it past day three this week (Saturday) then I will be proud of myself. After a whole week of eating right, I just might treat myself to something nice and non-edible.

Part of this recent motivation comes from reminders that diabetes has killed of some of my favorite people this year. I get so frustrated when I see people going down that path without any hesitation – “Oh, I’ll just take insulin” they think, and next thing they have lost limbs, kidneys, and eventually life. I can prevent this – even with a lot going against me. Fortunately, I’m not a soda drinker, so that’s not an issue. I’ll have about one soda a month – maybe two. But I digress. There is so much that can be done now, while I’m young-ish, to take care of my health. Also, another motivator this week: I had my first colonoscopy. I’m not symptomatic, but just have a family history of colon cancer and polyps. All clear. They’ll check again in five years. But that’s something else I want to try and keep healthy. Which reminds me – time to go eat breakfast and take some fiber…

…And we’re back. Anywho, since I was thoroughly flushed this week and my stomach shrunk from two days of nothing but liquids, I thought I’d take advantage. So far so good (as of yesterday) I stayed under my calorie goal and wasn’t starving at any point. Lots of protein and veg. That’s my goal. Lots of protein and veggies – also no added sugar. I had an apple and banana yesterday, and those were my sweets. I know that once I get it out of my system I’ll stop craving it. Leave it to me to pick three days before my period to cut out sweets – but there it is. Yesterday I drank 21 cups of water. Phew. I still feel all dried out from this cold dry weather and using the heater. Must take some omega-3s to add some happy fats back.

Well, this feels nice, writing again. It is a huge help to get these thoughts on e-paper and remind myself where I am and what my goals are and that they are not out of reach. It holds me accountable. I will post again next week – and I’m putting that in my calendar now.



Another Month Down

Well, it’s been a slow month weight-loss wise, but not completely without results. Today I came in at 188.4lbs and lost 2 more inches from three weeks ago. Granted, I started my period yesterday, so I may be a little more bloated than I like, but I’ll remeasure in a couple of weeks. I can feel that I’m getting stronger, though. Carrying groceries. Walking up stairs. Hey, now I can do 5 minutes of stair climbing (that’s 12 floors worth) without dying or throwing up. I call that progress!! So, like the tortoise, slow and steady I go toward my goal. And I can honestly say I’m happy with that.

I don’t have too much more to say. My day is slipping away and chores must be done. I’ll return when I have something interesting to share.


It’s Been a While

I’ve gone through a few emotions since my last post. Today, though I have told myself that this is the next big push. I am still hovering at 190. This week I am determined to break through it. I know I can, and I know I will. It’s Monday, and so far so good. I took my fiber, vitamins, cleanse, omegas, probiotics, apple cider vinegar, protein drink…and even after a workout that made me want to hurl, I feel good. When I was at the gym I told C that I thought I wouldn’t want to work when I got home, but I have lots of energy right now. This is what I need after last week.

Last week: I lost a very dear uncle while I was on vacation. So, our vacation ended abruptly and we flew my grandparents back home where all us kids are, and needless to say, last week was a whirlwind. I didn’t track my food. I drank wine, etc… every night. And I cried. A lot. But I did keep going to the gym. That was therapy for me. As was spending time with my friends who could support me while I was trying to support my family. The funeral was Friday, and now I’m back to my routine. He will be dearly missed by all.

As an update, I did reach my “Lose 10 lbs” goal, and have been rocking my sweet kicks. I still need a next 5 lb reward. Maybe a phone case? Or a weekend at the beach? *That escalated quickly* OOhh…By George, I’ve got it! A massage. 90 minutes all to myself. No trades. No guilt. An hour and a half to myself to say, “Good job losing 15 lbs. Keep up the good work.” That’s it. When I hit 185, I’m booking the appointment. Seeing as I really need it to de-stress anyways, it will be a good extra push to get it. I can totally do this. Easy peasy.

Dinner tonight will be salmon and Brussels sprouts broiled with lemon pepper & perhaps a side for brown jasmine rice. Mmm. And I’ll chop up veggies for fajitas tomorrow. Planned and done.

Well, life must go on. Back to work.

Mixed Feelings

Where to start. It’s not that I don’t feel motivated. I feel…blasé. And it’s not because I’m not seeing results. I feel stronger, and barring yesterday’s brunch extravaganza and last night’s happy hours, I’ve lost 9lbs. (1lb to shoes!) Somehow, I feel like I should be pushing myself harder. I went to the gym five times last week. On the days I didn’t go, I felt lazy. But sometimes I feel lost on what to do. I have a list of exercises, so I shouldn’t feel lost. I’m just a little flustered.

On Monday I learned how to do a Kettle Bell workout. Um, my hamstrings still hurt and need constant stretching. Mentally, I think this was the most challenging day. In most areas of my life, I pick up on new things quickly, so when I didn’t get it right on the first try, I had some frustration. Even after the whole workout, learning the techniques, practicing them one by one, I still couldn’t do a whole set correctly. It has given me a challenge and I want to overcome it. I really wanted to practice yesterday, but I couldn’t even assume the starting position I was so sore from Monday. This weekend I shall try again. A friend is lending me her Kettle Bell so that I can practice at home. But tomorrow at the gym, back to dual core cross cable something or another upper body workout. See if I can go up in weight and feel a difference – but I will miss my workout buddy. Hope recovery goes well!!!

This week I am trying not to be anxious. A close friend is having some tests on some abnormalities found during a recent doctor’s visit. Since nothing has been confirmed, I will try and not stress about what I do not know, and what may not even be. So, I will be a little distracted for the next week or so.

Since I only work twice a week, I have four more days of work!! And then some sunshine to celebrate!! But I’m not off the hook for working out at G-Ma & G-pa’s. Today we did a full stability ball workout that I am to do while I’m visiting them. So, one of the exercises I attempted was basically being in plank position, with my feet on the ball, and then I was supposed to lift my leg to work glutes. I could barely hold myself. I think I’ll just spend some time strengthening my core so that I can do that. We modified it by laying on the ball at my abdomen and then lifting my legs. Phew. It still was a work out. Also, triceps are puny little weak things on me. Need to work on those. But I plan on doing lots of walking while I’m down there, especially since the neighborhood is so very hilly. It’s basically like hiking. And let’s hope G-Ma doesn’t make a huge batch of crêpes. Otherwise, I’ll have to walk all day long.

Well, that’s all I can get out of my brain and on to the page. I’m just a little unfocused and flighty today. Hoping my brain will defog soon.

Another Day Down

Monday – I didn’t throw up. I got queasy, but I didn’t throw up. We also took a break and cut down the stair climbing time, but I felt better. I’ve made a personal decision to up my calories back to 1300. I feel like I don’t do well at 1200. I need to eat more often to keep from crashing. When I mentioned that today, C said that was fine. She knows I’m working out in between our workouts and I’m not just loafing around eating bon bons. (I did buy a bar of dark chocolate with sea salt that I’m saving for a special occasion – or just a mega craving). So, now that I have that allowance I don’t feel as trapped with my eating. I have been finding myself angry at dinner time because I only have 100 calories left because I had to snack throughout the day – especially when I give 4+ massages. And I quite enjoyed my breakfast just now – a whole grain blueberry waffle with fresh peanut butter and a smidge of agave nectar. Delicious! Now a bit of coffee to wash it down. I love Thursdays! They will be even better in May, when I don’t have to go to work!!! That’s right. Last day is April 25! Then vacation, a tan, and working for myself.

Speaking of changes that make me feel better. I’m fully flushed of the hormones. The daily nausea is gone, which is great. The last two days of volunteering have been great. (Granted, the walking and sunshine and visiting with a lovely English friend have helped, too).  But I feel a bit more even-keeled.

On Saturday, I got to spend some time with a friend who I don’t get to talk to much anymore. His wife has dropped 27 lbs, and he himself dropped quite a few. He was very encouraging. At first I was hesitant to discuss my weight loss. I am aware of my gain, and I know others cannot be blind to it (I’ve known them since I was maybe 12 or 13). But, I feel like I’ve tried to lose weight – or started to try – so many times, that I feel that I don’t want to talk about it in case I fail again. But that’s part of having that support group, someone to help hold you accountable. As we discussed my goals and struggles, he kept positive, assuring me I could do it. So, when I saw him yesterday, he checked in on me. “How’s it going? Are you hanging in there? I’m so proud of you. I can see your face is slimmer.” All of these things made me feel great. Expanding my support team, though a little intimidating, will be helpful.

Plan for the future? Tomorrow I will start with some cardio – and as much as I hate it, I think I will do stairs. They get my heart rate up quickly – sometimes too quickly – but I want to overcome the nausea that they induce. I will do 4 minutes tomorrow, followed by some stretching, then some lunge and twists, maybe some jumping squats, push some mega boxes around, ooh, and my new favorite, bridges with the ball. Sounds like a plan. I will do some good stretching after, and as a treat – tan. (I can’t be soooo pasty when I get to Arizona).

Oh, and finally, an update: I have lost 7.4 lbs in four weeks!! At 10 – new tennis shoes. That’s my goal for next week.

Alright, now to conquer the rest of my day.

Feeling Better

This week as been a little more difficult. After Monday’s digestive experience, I felt frustrated. Then I had my procedure. That alone made me queasy. I did okay after, despite the pain. Tuesday started off okay, but my afternoon, my blood sugar had dropped and the pain each time I moved my arm was nauseating. I had to go home early, eat, and nap. With an upset stomach I finished my day.

Hubby and I went shopping Tuesday night, due to some cancelled appointments, but we were both hungry. Somehow, using myfitnesspal really motivate me to stay within my caloric goal. The thought of those red numbers at the end of the day has a hold on me. Our initial plans of cheap sushi were foiled when we arrived and saw standing room only waiting for a table and the “Happy Hour 6-Close” sign on the door. We were never getting in. So, after a bit of hangry arguing, we landed at Red Robin. I went in with hopes of my favorite Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad – which came it at a staggering 750+ calories. I had about 300 left for the day. Surely the Caesar’s Chicken Wrap would be less. Nope. 700+. It came down to their Chicken Tortilla Soup, minus the yummy bits – the sour cream and cheese – and the grand total was 234 calories. I ate it slowly so that I didn’t have to watch Hubby eat his Black & Bleu Burger with cheese, onions, drippy saucy goodness – anyway…it distracted me. The soup was mediocre, but it was something. The shopping at Ikea did help my spirits – all in all, it was an okay day.

As for eating out in general – I have mixed feelings. I love the convenience of eating out, but not the price. I love the flavor, but not the calories. But doing this (counting calories, etc…) has definitely made me more aware of what I’ve been eating all along, even when I thought I was choosing a healthy option (By the way, Black & Bleu Burger is 1000 calories, meal total with fries, 1400).  That’s also frustrating – because sometimes I just want something familiar that I didn’t have to prepare. I will learn.

Yesterday was a day. I woke up early and immediately felt nauseated and weak. I think it will take my body a while to adjust the flushing of the hormones it has been so used to for the last three years. Hubby suggested I have some water and go back to sleep. When I woke up an hour and a half later, he was cooking omlettes for breakfast – yummy ones. They had green bell pepper, mushroom, refried beans, and he even got me almond pepper jack cheese. Add a little salsa and I had a wonderful and nutritious breakfast. But I still felt weak throughout the day. And for a second day, I didn’t eat all of my calories. (Well, once I added some delicious Goat’s Milk Salted Caramel Ice Cream, I managed to make the goal). So, there have been some struggles so far this week.

Right now I’m feeling a little week and dizzy, but I have sweet potato fries baking for my snack. I had a protein shake after my workout, but that’s been about two hours ago. Speaking of my workout, it went well. We avoided me lifting anything until my incision heals, and avoided making me throw up. Today was strength training on legs. I felt good about that. A nice tip was to keep my hips parallel when doing lunges. Silly uneven hips. As for the throwing up, one of the other trainers said it was good – my body is just getting rid of junk and building up to working harder. This was brought to my attention yesterday by my workout buddy as well. So, we’ll see if it happens again.

Anyway, I feel a nap coming on before work. I hope to feel better soon and keep up on the hard work to make it to a wonderful, healthy, fit vacation.

Today I Was Angry

I had my first real workout session with my trainer today. I was excited and looking forward to learning something new. And I did. But I was also reminded of something from my past.

We started with 5 minutes of stairs. That got the heart rate up rather quickly. After some stretching, lung walk & twists and squat & twists, my old friend nausea came to visit. I took a few minutes to breathe, then pushed forward – the nausea ever increasing. Took a few more minutes. Did some abs. And then it hit me. I was light headed – couldn’t finish my ab twists – and just sat with my eyes closed and my head down. She talked to me, and well, I felt like a failure. All the memories of high school PE came back to me. The time I threw up. And the memory of the one fitness class I did at the gym – and the dry heaves that came with it. Yup – me and the toilet became buddies. With dizziness I walked to the bathroom, just hoping I could make it long enough to get to the toilet, fumbled with the sliding lock on the stall door, and down I went. I felt bad for the girl next to me – nothing worse than hearing someone throw up. A few heaves later and I felt like a whole new person. But I was frustrated. My mind and most of my body wanted to keep working out, but my stomach said otherwise. C (my trainer) said she would do some more research to see how she could help me. I did a Google search when I got home and found a couple of informative, though somewhat surface answers. A couple of these were: What Are the Causes of Nausea and Weakness After Exercise and How to Avoid Getting Nauseous While Working Out.

Conclusion of the matter – I’m not giving up. Tomorrow, I am going to try the same workout (minus the stairs) at home and see how far I can get. Fortunately, I have the equipment that I need already. Plus it’s a good workout for Tuesdays because they are almost 12 hour days and going to the gym to do 30+ minutes on the elliptical and then strength workouts is a bit much. This way I can do just 30 minutes or so of interval training and get it over with. I’ll do some elliptical Wednesday.

(Took a break from writing for a client…next one is on her way)

I’m feeling better – and even like I have energy. I don’t feel drained like I thought I might, which makes me pretty happy. I’ve got two more hours of work and then my appointment to become hormone free! Yay! (And a little scared. I may have mentioned this before, but it’s technically “minor surgery”) And then I get to hang out with one of my besties and my adorable Nephew – and soon to be Niece or Nephew. Yup, she’s preggers!! I made the cutest little sweater for new baby and can’t wait to give it to her.

Well, car doors are closing. Time to get back to work.